SUCKY POETS SOCIETY

if you were to choose
between living your life
consciously, feeling all joy and hate and sorrow and pain
or without the bother of it all
just watch everything whizz past you
while you look at it
like on a tv screen
which would..
no, wait
dont answer me
dont flatter yourself
i’m not asking you
just shut the fuck up and go away from here

 * * * * * * * * * * *

"and we’re standing outside of this wonderland..
feeling so bereaved and bereft
like a Bowery bum who finally understands
the bottle’s empty and there’s nothing left"

nothing to be done
this fucking poetry is killing me

time, elasped
poetry, unread, forgotten (unwritten)
words, they die
as we live
mocking the spaces inside of our minds
mocking them boulders and calling them life-less

life, we allow it to grow around us
we let it fill our crevices
and the hollow spaces within us
just like boulders do
(after the monsoon)

life, we let be
we let it take what shape it can (like plasticine?)
we let it grow, like weed, wherever it is capable of
life, like poetry,
has no meaning, (if you dont look for it)
has no reason
(so fuck it)

life
is it poetry?
(a learning curve?)
a memo of dreams unfulfilled? (haha)
("grotesque? you call my painting grotesque?")
a journey through shame and consciousness? (is it for some?)

it is hate, perhaps
for all that you carry with you
is all you fear to lose
eventually, you lose everything
(but you never lose your hate)

fuck you world

you can go to hell 

a sun crawls out of his hideout
and stretches his rays with a foggy yawn
his forehead clouded
he twists and turns
on the laps of his mountain mistress

a sun alights itself
between the tips of my fingers
hot clouds arise to surround the red glow
flavour
the perfect welcome to my daybreak

a dog awakens on the sidewalk
and howls goodmorning to me
hello, i reply
i’m not as hungry as he
i am pretty pleased
with my nicotine breakfast 

welcome in my friend
my name is perdition
what can i do for you

do you want me to shove you from behind
to where you dont want to go?
dont worry
it wont hurt if you fall in
its a bottomless pit

do you want to re-visit your nightmares one more time?
oh come on friend
just one last time
you dont wanna get bored
standing alone on top of the brick wall
of the giddy heights of the temple of retribution

for the last time my friend
say hello to your earthern nightmares
for the last time
would you like to say thank you
to the heap of dung you were moulded off?
dont be ungrateful friend
hasnt life always been more than a pile of cowshit?

dont hide from me friend
i am your perdition
even if you close your eyes
i will still be here tomorrow

so there i laid
in the place i hate
probing steel
swishing tubes
gushing what nots
and that oh-god smell
…how the hell did i end up there?!
how why how?!
(that’s my gum
you friggin…white-coated,
blue-shirted,
green-masked…dumbass)
is it just me
or is he really boring holes in my teeth???
yikes!
all those damned nerves
coiling beneath the white crown
sends crazy sensations to that brain o mine
yeowww ho ho!
(’open wider’
sure thing
my pleasure
welcome to my mouth cavity
it’s all yours to scrape
and poke
and scrape
…hello there unknown alien steel rod)
spit says the tooth monkey
and i spit blood
spit again he says
‘i know that much you toot toot toot
i got eyes’
i wanna say
(’lie down once again’
come again?!
you must be joking right?)
well every drippin bit serious
our virtuoso de tooth turned out to be
damn!
damn damn damn
so on and on it went
my date with the tooth monkey
on and on it went
i have super sensitive teeth now
thank you el tooth monkey
when it comes to scraping the life out of me
you be super amazing! yay!
and the next time you think of a date with me
emmm just don’t
so that was my blurry flurry
a dental lil story
of yikes and for-the-love-god-stop(s)!

…the next time i smile
you better be dazzled!

build on guys
you can build on
all the castles in the world
see, i learned sometime back
that castles we built
have a lot of air for their base
i’m sorry
but that’s all there is
castles built in air
it’s all that is
no happy beginning
to our unending story

and i am sorry

how do i tell you
to stop all this building

when the castles come crashing down
it’s kinda tough to pick up the pieces
when in ruins you are buried
it’s kinda tough to stand back up
but stop you i won’t
under a mocking onslaught
what’s another joke on the face
beneath a smirking sky
what’s another sneer for smile

long gone was the time of castles
it’s barricades on rise
but don’t bother guys
i’ll just see this through
build on guys
i’ll just live this through

it’s not that easy
to walk on and not look back
to not see
to not be
it’s not that easy
you can tell me
all the logic in the world
encore and more
shout it out loud
for all i care
i understand
but do you?
that it’s still not easy

gonna drink my head off tonite
and if i wake up with a heavy head tomorrow
i dont give a dingo’s arse

i do everything i can to please you
but if you’re still grumpy about that one thing
i dont give a dingo’s arse

gonna take my time to get there
if you think that i’m late
i dont give a dingo’s arse

gonna take fourth gear and go full speed
if i kill a few unlucky bastards
….

Thoughts, some endless thoughts

Hovering, haunting.

Stopping the clock,

Erasing the rest of the world,

Confining the mind to a no-answer question.

Confusion, headache, frustration

Why? Why? Why?

A constant void, a heavy heart, a dark reality,

Swallow it, live it, march on alone

Alone… Alone… Alone…